Just launched! DepressedCouchFart – Because the world’s ending, and this seemed funnier than therapy.

Congratulations. You’ve officially reached the end of the self-help aisle. The podcasts didn’t work. The vision board is just a collage of broken promises. And that “new you” the calendar promised back in January? Yeah, they ghosted you.

Welcome to DepressedCouchFart, the freshly launched memecoin for people who’ve accepted that life is less of a journey and more of a slow, unskippable tutorial you didn’t ask for, with no clear objectives and a bugged-out economy.

This is not for the dreamers, the optimists, or the productivity addicts. This is for the burnt-out masses running on caffeine, cynicism, and a collection of bad decisions you now call “personality.” The ones who check their bank account with one eye closed. The ones who treat existential dread like a roommate who won’t move out. The ones whose idea of long-term planning is knowing what brand of chips they’ll cry into next Thursday.

We didn’t launch this coin to save the world. We barely remembered to launch it at all. There’s no roadmap because maps are for people who know where they’re going. And we’re just here, lying on the couch, wondering whether that weird ache is a pulled muscle or just emotional damage manifesting physically.

You will not find utility here. There are no partnerships in the pipeline. No influencer pump campaigns. Just a cold, honest reflection of the void we all scream into between memes. It’s not meant to fix your life. It’s meant to match the energy of it chaotic, meaningless, and vaguely fart scented.

Will the coin go to the moon? Maybe. But your luck ran out sometime around 2014, so don’t hold your breath. Will it crash and burn? Absolutely possible. But at least this time, the collapse will come with a chuckle and a community of equally unhinged couch potatoes cheering it on.

This isn’t about hope. It’s not even about money. It’s about doing something completely pointless and finding a strange sense of peace in that. Because if we’re going to be financially ruined, we might as well be together.

So yeah, we launched. Press the button, buy the token, or just sit there in your bathrobe wondering how you ended up here. Either way, welcome to the family. We’re all deeply unwell and slightly invested.