Once upon a time, there was a boy named Alex who had the financial wisdom of a YouTube comment section. He decided that crypto was his ticket to fame, fortune, and possibly a private island shaped like a doge. Armed with nothing but a smartphone, a vague understanding of blockchain, and an unhealthy amount of optimism, he took all his money—the entire $142.78 of his life savings—and threw it into cryptocurrency.
The first few months were magical. His investments were skyrocketing! Bitcoin was going to the moon! Ethereum was going to Mars! Some weird coin named after a sushi roll was going to Jupiter! Alex was convinced he was a financial genius. He even started wearing sunglasses indoors, the universal sign of someone who understands markets.
Every time the price dipped, Alex bought more. It didn’t matter if it was 3 a.m. and he had to wake up for school in four hours—he was there, buying the dip. He started working odd jobs to feed his addiction. He mowed lawns, washed cars, and even babysat his neighbor’s cat, Mr. Whiskers, who somehow paid better than all his other gigs combined. But it was worth it, because Alex knew he was going to be rich. Filthy rich. Jeff Bezos was going to be calling him for loans.
One day, Alex’s portfolio hit $50,000. Yes, fifty thousand dollars. He couldn’t believe it. He looked at his screen like it was the face of a newborn child. He even tried to hug it, only to knock over his glass of orange juice and short-circuit his keyboard. But that didn’t matter. He could buy a thousand keyboards now! Life was good.
Then came The Day. You know, that day. The day when every crypto holder collectively whispered, “Oh no.”
At first, Alex thought it was just another dip. No problem, right? He’d just buy more. But this dip didn’t stop. It didn’t even slow down. It was like someone pressed the fast-forward button on the fall from grace. Bitcoin plummeted, Ethereum followed suit, and SushiSwap—well, it flopped like a day-old sushi roll.
Alex stared at his portfolio as his $50,000 evaporated faster than the promises of a Nigerian prince in an email. His life savings were now worth less than the cost of a Starbucks latte. In a last-ditch effort to salvage his pride, Alex sold all his remaining coins and walked away with a grand total of $3.27 and some digital breadcrumbs from Dogecoin.
But instead of freaking out, Alex did something truly remarkable. He stood up, stretched, and with the confidence of someone who had just mastered the art of denial, said, “I’m in it for the tech.”
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